女子無才便是德

　　我成長於一個踏上世代交替的浪尖，充滿矛盾的家族。那是些有趣的回憶。

　　祖父精通於孔子學說。他是個成功的富商，留鬍子，穿長衫，一個眼神，一下啍聲均令人肅然起敬。他的兄弟Bill，說得一口不可挑剔的英文。頭頂白帽，配戴絲巾，駕著他的開蓬跑車於都市中到處作樂。祖母是位大家閨秀，纏了雙三寸金蓮。Bill的妻子能操四國語言，又穿戴Chanel。我的父親畢業於上海的聖約翰大學，會在西裝的領上夾上一支康乃馨，又會跳踢踏舞。他的兄弟穿長衫，以拉人力車為工作。

　　這解釋了為何在這個著重教育的博學家族中，我們會經常聽到長輩一本正經的點頭，重複著「女子無才便是德」訓誡。聽後，反應好壞參半，一些會認同，一些則嘲笑，我當然是其中一個不屑者。基於我主張，我從不深究這個智慧的深層意思。花了這些年的時間，我終於會欣賞、理解，到現在更改觀。

　　不要誤會。我相信教育是每個人的基本權利。教育能啟發女性，發展她們的潛能，以致能參與經濟、民生及政治上的社會事務。雖然普遍有共識，但時至今日，未接受小學程度教育的女孩仍有6千5百萬個，9億6千萬個文盲中，有7成為女性。女性於教育上依然受到歧視，為了一個更美好的世界，我仍然堅信我們先要改善女性的教育。

　　可是，這不全然是中國的說法。古時女子不能參加科舉，但有機會接觸書本及入讀私塾。我的祖先不反對女子讀書，他們只是反對女子在學業上賣弄成就，害怕這種大眾認可會招來誤解，威脅長久以來建立的家庭與社會結構。哎呀，他們說得非常正確！

　　作為一個媒人，我被博士的頭銜毒害未婚女士的看法所說服。首先，要獲取這個頭銜得花上她大量的時間、金錢和努力。為合理化在學位上的投資，她需要找份高薪厚職，又被工作填滿她大部分時間。新獲得的權力與地位更肯定了她本來已相當高的自我評價，進一步改變她對於男伴及生活的態度。坐在高處的她與現實離千萬丈。

　　現在的她嚮往擁有一個家庭，尋找一段甜蜜的戀愛關係時，發現她能夠給予伴侶的高學歷、高薪厚職與男人追求的年輕、美貌、個性、共同嗜好等條件不相乎，男人要的都是她從未有時間去發展的素質。取而代之，男人娶了他的秘書，女博士則孤身一人，剩下她的學歷名銜相陪。

　　這個例子聽上去或具爭議，我跟香港的年輕女士說，假若你想於未來組織家庭，修讀一個學士學位就足夠了。不要再研習下去，要為自己的生活排序，並專注於自己想要的。花時間使自己看來動人，保養你嫩滑的肌膚，悉心栽培關係，學習去維繫婚姻，去為家人建立一個健康快樂的家。要持續學習，不只有在學府花上更多寶貴的時間，沒有任何事可阻止婚後的你在家中學習。

　　建立幸福的家庭較你的學業成就更有價值，去減輕香港的人口老化問題，去讓你的子女獲益，並不是追求多一個學位。

 　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

An Unlearned Woman Is A Virtuous Woman

　　I grew up in a family full of contradictions in the cusp of generation transition. Those were interesting times.

　　Grandpa was well versed in the doctrines of Confucius. A successful tycoon, he wore a beard, cheongsam, and would command enormous respect by a sheer glance or grunt. His brother “Bill” spoke impeccable English. Wearing a white cap and silk scarf, he was forever gallivanting around town in his convertible. Grandma was a true “lady” from an aristocratic family, with three inch feet. Bill’s wife spoke four languages & wore Chanel. My father went to St. John’s University in Shanghai, wore a carnation on his lapel and tap danced. His brother wore cheongsam & went to work on a rickshaw…

　　This explains why as important as education was in our erudite family, we would hear this “An unlearned woman is a virtuous woman” mantra regularly, repeated by family elders with sagely nods… Reaction would be mixed, some concurring, others scoffing… I was definitely one of the scoffers. Rooted in my own conviction I have never made the effort to understand the profound meaning of this wisdom. It has taken me all these years to finally appreciate and comprehend, I now stand corrected.

　　Don’t get me wrong.  I believe education is the fundamental human right for every person; it empowers women and unlocks their potentials so they can participate in economic, social and political life of their societies. Despite universal consensus, 65 million girls still  have no access to primary education today, 960 million adults in the world, 70% of them women, are still illiterate. Women and girls continue to face discrimination in education, and for the betterment of the world, I remain a staunch believer that we must first begin with the betterment of women’s education.

　　But that is not what the Chinese doctrine is all about. Women had access to books and private tutoring, they were just not allowed to participate in public exams. Our fore-fathers had nothing against a woman being educated, they were only against  conferring ostentatious accreditation to women for educational achievement for fear that such public recognition might deliver the wrong message, threatening the established social structure of family and society. By Jove, they were so right !

　　As a matchmaker, I am now convinced that the title Ph.D. is absolutely toxic for an unmarried woman.  Firstly, it costs her a lot of time, money and hard work to get there. Then she must justify her investment by acquiring a top job with matching remuneration which leaves her even less time. Now her newfound power and position reinforce the already high opinion she has of herself, further  transforming her attitude towards men and life. Perched high on the pedestal she is miles away from reality.

　　She now aspires to have a family and looks forward to sweet courtships only to find out that what she has to offer, viz. fancy education, power job, handsome remuneration hardly commensurate with what the men would want, viz. youth, beauty, personality, common interests… qualities she never had time to cultivate. He courts and marries her secretary instead, and the Ph.D. is left alone with her fancy degree.

　　Controversial as this may sound, I say to the young women of HK that if you want a family, a Bachelor Degree suffices. Stop studying thereafter , identify your priorities in life and stay focused. Utilize your time to make yourself beautiful, cultivate your soft skills, nurture relationships, learn how to sustain a marriage, how to build a healthy and happy home for your family. Continued education doesn’t have to take the form of spending more  precious years in an established institution, nothing stops you from studying at home after marriage.

　　Far better value of your education is to build a happy family, to help alleviate HK’s ageing population problem, to benefit your children, …and not to chase another degree.