我剛剛參加了Now TV《出軌》節目的錄製，在節目中，我為不同的出軌個案點評，一共有九集。為了拍攝這個節目，我做足準備，看了好多關於出軌的書籍，對研究得出的結果很驚訝。

　　2012年由美聯社出版的《Journal of Marital and Family Therapy》中，有些關於男女關係的數據頗嚇人的，看看以下例子。

　　1、41%的男女承認在婚後曾出軌。

　　2、57%的男人承認在有固定女友情況下出軌。

　　3、54%的女人承認在有固定男友情況下出軌。

　　4、74%的男人覺得如不被對方發現，會出去「偷食」。

　　5、68%的女人覺得如不被對方發現，會出去「偷食」。

　　當然還有其他數據不能盡錄。究竟我們的忠誠和道德去了哪裏？是不是現在的誘惑比以前大？是不是性格缺陷導致出軌行為，還是我們比以前軟弱？在這爭論下，宗教能否當精神食糧，倚靠宗教的力量才不會出軌？

再看看以下事例和數據：

　　1)在美國的基督教地帶，例如佛羅利達州、德州、密西西比，訂閱《花花公子》和其他成人雜誌的人比其他州份多，而這3個地方的人都非常信奉基督教。

　　2)根據劍橋大學教授Eamon Duffy撰寫的《聖人與罪人》，囊括了過往2000年不同教宗的貢獻和事蹟，當中有好有壞，例如教宗庇護二世與地下情人生了兩個非法孩子。教宗保祿三世更有4個非法孩子。

　　3)在泰國有61,416個和尚，去年有300人因劣行，例如超速駕駛、喝酒、賭博、說謊、涉及性罪行而被處分或逐出佛教。

　　以上事例證明宗教並不是庇護所，其實由阿當、夏娃時期開始，人類已抵抗不了誘惑。對抗誘惑當然是很難，不然主禱文便不會寫著：「不叫我們遇見誘惑，救我們脫離惡者，阿門。」教育、訓練、教養、宗教當然對抵抗誘惑有幫助，但只可幫至某程度而已。

　　最有效抵抗誘惑的方法是自身的思維，因為思維管治我們的態度，決定我們的行為，更是決定我們接受，還是抵抗誘惑。

　　出軌的人多數不會三思，拒絕被理論、邏輯、理智駕馭，他們不想被以上的理性思想掃眼前的興。要抵抗誘惑，就要將思考從「現在」延伸至「未來」，想想出軌後會有甚麼後果，會怎樣影響你、你的生活、伴侶和子女呢？出軌要付出甚麼代價呢？值得嗎？若你懶理，就不要與別人有甚麼正式的伴侶關係，可能你的婚姻一早已「有名無實」才導致出軌行為。如果你在乎伴侶的感受，以上的思考可助你抵抗誘惑。

　　馬丁路德曾說：「你不能阻止雀鳥在你頭上飛過，但你絕對可以阻止牠們在你頭髮上築巢。」誘惑的魔力當然很大，但只要你願意，思考的力量其實更強大。

　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

Infidelity (1):The Power of Temptation

　　I have just finished shooting nine episodes of 《Unfaithful》with Now TV where I appeared as a guest co-host, commenting on related films and participating in discussions regarding this topic. In preparation for the show, I had done a bit of reading on the subject and was thoroughly appalled by my findings.

　　For instance, according to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy published by the Associated Press in 2012, there were some pretty horrific figures. A few examples :

　　a) Men and women openly admitting to infidelity in a marriage = 41%

　　b) Men admitting to infidelity in a non-marital, but steady relationship = 57%

　　c) Women admitting to infidelity in a non-marital, but steady relationship = 54%

　　d) Men who would stray if they knew they would never be caught  = 74%

　　e) Women who would stray if they knew they would never be caught = 68%

　　and the list continues… Whatever happened to loyalty and our sense of morals ? Are there more temptations available today? or is it a character flaw in that we are just becoming weaker? Is it education that we lack ? more training or better upbringing that we need ? Or as the argument goes, religion is food for the soul, & we all need a staunch religion to sustain us ?

　　Let’s take another look at some concrete facts and figures:

　　1)The highest subscription rate for Playboy and other porno magazines in the States is across the Bible Belt (Florida, Texas, Mississippi….) where Christianity is being most strongly upheld and fervently practiced.

　　2)According to Cambridge Professor Eamon Duffy's book《Saints & Sinners》which documented the contributions of popes over the past 2000 years, there were some great ones and some not so great ones. Pope Pius II had two illegitimate children with his secret lover, whilst Pope Paul III had four …

　　3)Last year, 300 out of 61,416 monks in Thailand were being severely reprimanded, some excommunicated, for conduct unbecoming including such misdeeds as driving, drinking, gambling, cheating, and engaging in sexual affairs...

　　So religion is not necessarily a sanctuary. Humans have been succumbing to temptation since the days of Adam and Eve. Fighting temptation is immensely difficult, otherwise it would not have been written into the Lord’s Prayer “And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil, Amen.” Education, training, upbringing, religion all help –but only to a certain extent.

　　The single most effective deterrent is actually our own mindset, it is the mind which governs our attitude, determines our behavior and ultimately makes us fall into temptation or walk away from it. People who commit adultery usually shut their minds down and refuse to engage in any coherent, logical, sensible thinking process. They don’t want thoughts to spoil their pleasure of the present. What you have to do is to pull yourself away from the "NOW" frame of mind and extend your thoughts well into the future. What will be the consequences of this infidelity I am about to commit and how are they going to affect me and my life? And the lives of my spouse and my children? What price am I really paying for this indiscretion? Is it worth it? If you don’t care, then you don’t have a relationship or that your marriage is long over. But if you do care, the thoughts are so repulsive you will in all likelihood, just walk away.

　　Martin Luther King once said, "You cannot stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can certainly prevent them from building a nest in your hair. "The power of temptation is strong indeed, but the power of the mind is even stronger, if only we’d let ourselves be.