很多人找我幫她們尋覓另一半時，其實她們心目中已清楚自己想找甚麼類型的人。她們選老公時，不是要求對方一定具備某些條件或特質，就是直接點明自己忍受不了某些類型或具有某些缺點的人。

　　有些女性未免顯得自己太容易追到手或太cheap，而設了一些繁複的擇偶條件。而有的人則認為「願望清單」可以令她們夢想成真。更有些人會引用苛刻的條件來顯示自己崇高的社會地位。每次她們升職或加薪，所列的擇偶條件就再度提高。這些條件通常都是頑固和絕對的，完全沒有商量的餘地。試想一邊要跟隨她們的「願望清單」，另一邊則要避免所有她們不喜歡的類型與缺點，中間剩下來的可能已所餘無幾。在人選已不太多的香港市場，她們這些條件更加限制住她們，找到另一半的機會也愈加渺茫。

　　一個典型的例子便是「絕不接受吸煙者」！就單憑這句話已將一大羣人選拒諸門外。雖然吸煙不是一個好習慣，但是吸煙的男士不一定是差老公吧？你可以要求對方不在你面前吸煙，亦可能在你們約會幾個月後他成功戒煙也說不定呢！何必急速地將他人標籤，或將具有某些缺點的人永久性拒諸門外？此非明智之舉。事實上，你的擇偶要求愈高，你所等的時間就愈長；你等的時間愈長，你就愈來愈老；你愈老，就愈難找到另一半。

　　我建議擇偶時，不要把條件弄得太長太複雜，簡單一點。挑選合適的人選時，首要是專注留意對方的本質如何、有沒有良好的核心價值觀，如果你覺得對方與你的價值觀相約的話，這在初期的約會中，已經非常足夠了，無須馬上高調加入苛刻的條件，因為其他一切都是可以磨合、培養、調節和妥協的。

　　當我還年輕時，我是一個窈窕、有魅力、又具時裝觸覺的女子，我不愁沒有男朋友。而當我約會我的老公時，很多親戚朋友都有點料想不到，因為當時我老公留著長頭髮、又愛吸煙，甚至賭博。他可以一晚輸掉三萬元，都不眨眼，這些都是我極度難接受的缺點。

　　在成長背景方面，我是港島人，而他是九龍人。我駕紅色寶馬敞篷跑車，他駕其貌不揚的銀色豐田車。由於我多年在外國讀書和成長，我的朋友多是說英語的。我們喜歡吃意大利菜、喝紅酒和吃芝士、聽外國流行音樂、到城中至潮的地方玩樂。而他和他的朋友多是守舊的人，愛談中國內地的製造業、聽廣東流行曲和打麻雀。我喜愛中國歷史和古董，他就偏愛較摩登的傢具。

　　我性格比較急，講求效率，而他做事比較慢。我習慣同時處理多項事務，而他只可在同一時間專注一件事，聽見我的議事日程，已經有些頭暈目眩。在生活上，我是一個極其整潔的人，我會將衣物分類，標籤抽屜；我會梳理家中地毯的流蘇，我會用油抹家中盆栽的枝葉，而他卻是一個馬虎、雜亂無章、「算也吧」的人。在飲食方面，我愛吃生的菜沙律，而他只吃已煮熟的菜。當我做健身時，他只會累透地看著我。

　　我是一個浪漫主義者，而他總覺得送花給女人是一件極度痛苦難堪的事。我是一個深情的人，他卻覺得深情表達自己是一件老土尷尬的事。我是感性的，我持有清晰明確的立場，不怕表達自己的個人意見與感受，而他是個冷靜和理智的人，低調含蓄，極端性的深藏不露，有時我恨不得用鉗子撬開他的口，才可令他說句心底話。

　　很明顯，我們這對夫婦的性格是絕頂「兩極對立」的。

　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

My Own Story (1)

　　Many prospective clients continue to come to us with very definite ideas in their heads, either relentlessly seeking partners with specific qualities, or adamantly rejecting those with certain “shortcomings” they consider unacceptable.

　　Some people create cumbersome criteria because they fear that without which, they may sound too easy or cheap. Others believe that a “wish list” will somehow make their dreams come true. Then there are those who do so as a reflection of their own social status, and every time they move up in life, they raise the bar a little higher. Conditions are usually rigid and absolute, with meagre allowance for compromise. Between the list of all the things they want and the list of all that they don’t want, there really isn’t very much left in between. Seeking a partner under such circumstances drastically restrict options in a market when options are already limited.

　　A typical example would be clients who righteously proclaim “No smokers !! ” rejecting a multitude of men with just two little words.  Smoking is an unpleasant vice, but who is to say that a smoker is automatically a bad husband? You could ask him not to smoke in your presence … he may well quit within months after he gets to know you ?  It is clearly unwise to be making sweeping statements in a hurry, labelling & then blanket rejecting an entire category of candidates permanently for a shortcoming which may well be transient. The fact of life is, the more demanding you are, the longer you’ll wait; the longer you wait, the older you’ll become; the older you become, the more difficult your search will be…

　　My advice therefore is not to make things too complicated for yourself.  Stay simple and stay focused. Look for qualities which show that the person is a good, solid human being, check all the core values, if these are in order, usually everything else can be cultivated, nurtured, adjusted or compromised, and therefore,  quite irrelevant during the initial stage of partner selection. 

　　In my younger days, I was slim, attractive, always fashionably dressed and I had no shortage of boyfriends. Therefore everybody was taken aback when I started dating my husband, who had long hair, didn’t care what he was wearing, he smoked and loved gambling. He could lose $30,000 in one evening without a blink. Something I always loathe.

　　I am a Hong Kong person, and him, a Kowloon man. I drove a red BMW convertible, he drove an ugly silver Camry. Because of my overseas education and upbringing, my friends tend to be English speakers, we love Italian food, wine & cheese, pop music, and we hang out in hot spots around town… His friends are old fuddy duddies who talk about manufacturing in China, listen to cantopop and play mahjong. I love Chinese history & antiques, he prefers modern furniture.

　　I am fast & efficient, he is slow. I am forever multi-tasking, he can only concentrate on one thing at a time & gets dizzy just listening to me. I am tidy and meticulously clean, I label my drawers, comb the tassels on my rugs and oil the leaves on my house plants…He is messy, sloppy & completely disorganized.... I like my vegetables raw, he wants his vegetables cooked. I worked out in the gym, he became exhausted just watching me.

　　I am a romantic, he thought sending flowers to a woman is something excruciatingly painful. I am affectionate, he found all that embarrassing. I am bubbly and emotional, not afraid to voice my opinion, and I could make conversations with a door knob. He is calm, cool & collected. Talking about still waters run deep… one would almost need pliers to open his mouth sometimes…

　　We were unquestionably, “Polar Opposites”.